i just wanna soil my oats bro
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just high enough for therapy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
