tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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