I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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