i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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