can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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