Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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