bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
