I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
