'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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