How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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