You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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