I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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