I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
