She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
