shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
