You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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