after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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