Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
