shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
