I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
