May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
