People in love make me want to vomit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize