You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
