There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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