We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can vaginas get frostbite?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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