I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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