I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
