omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
