We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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