Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
