clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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