it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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