Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
