so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
