Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
