considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
