Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
