hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
