I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
