Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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