bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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