I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
