We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
