I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
