I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
