A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
