it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
