So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize