Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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