Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone signed my nipple.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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