I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
