She is in my trunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
