singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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