im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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