Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
