omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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