apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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