You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
