someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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