But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
