Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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