Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I deserve this hangover.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
