never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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