oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize