I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
