the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
