you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
