sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
