2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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