My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
